Fellows do you remember the first time you started talking to that girl who became either your first love or ultimately the woman you would marry. You both would talk in person or you talked by phone, it seems like time would just fly and you would talk for hours with one another. If the two of you talked by phone stay on the phone talking late into the night and even sometimes until the next morning. You talked about what was important to her, what was important to you or you talked about wanting to know everything about one another. If the woman was not your first love, she might have become the woman that you, later on, discovered that she was the one that you wanted to have in your life. When you both got off work you went out together dating for months, taking long walks in the park or just cuddled at home and staring into one another eyes. As the man, you wanted to know what her favorite color was, what her favorite food was and what was and what were the dreams and goals she wanted to accomplish in her life. Then one day after weeks, months and maybe a year of dating, you finally pop the big question to the woman in your life and you asked her to be your wife.
After the big announcement of your engagement to one another, your communication shifts from having an intimate conversation to now planning for your big wedding day. Your talk about who you would like to invite and you talk about who you would not like to invite. You talk about the honeymoon, when you want to have kids and when you would like to buy your first home. However, after you have both been married for a while the business of married kicks in and you find you are communicating with one another like you once did before. Your work day starts, you both leave for work and you drop the kids off at school. All the while your wife wants you both to spend time talking and you feel there is just not enough hours in the day for you sit still for fifteen minutes to listen what your wife has to say. As a husband my brother there are three reasons why you must understand how to guard your communication time with your wife. The first reason why you must guard your time of talking with your wife is that you must keep the lines of communication open between the both of you. The second reason why you must guard your time of talking with your wife is because she needs you to stop talking at her and learn again to talk with her. The final reason why you must guard your time of communication with your wife is that we as husbands must live with our wives in an understanding way.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).
Keeping the lines of communication open
The first reason why you must guard your time of talking with your wife is that you must keep the lines of communication open between the both of you. Several years ago back in my early twenties, I had a major break up with a woman who was my first love relationship. I was so devastated that on how ended between us that I just could not see my getting into another serious relationship with another woman for a very long time. My mother was concerned about my emotional stated kept asking me to go somewhere with her and my stepfather for a couple hours and finally set okay to get her to stop asking me. We went to a wedding anniversary party of a couple that was celebrating their fifty years together. Being at that party was the last place I wanted to be because I wanted no parts of being somewhere two people talking about how happy in love they were with one another was something I just did not want hear. However, when someone in the audience asked the couple what was the secret on why they had been together so long. The husband told the audience that the reason why they had been married for over fifty years was that she had always been his closet friend. The other reason why they had made their marriage worked was that they always kept communicating with one another.
As men, we too must have that same commitment on working to keep the lines of communication open with our wives. Yes, there are times when we come home from a long day of work and we want to have space to ourselves and not having to talk with no one. However, sir, you have to realize that your wife has not seen you for eight to ten hours of the day want to spend time with the second most important person in her life. You asked Elder Strong who is the first important person that my wife would want to speak to more than me? That person my brother is her personal Lord and Savior, then you are second, then her children and family. The word of God says in Proverbs 10:21 & 32 that “The lips of the righteous feed many and the lips of the righteous know what is acceptable”. When you keep the lines of communication open with your wife, your conversation will feed life into her and your marriage.
Stop talking at her and talk to her
The second reason why you must guard your time of talking with your wife is that she needs you to stop talking at her and learn again to talk with her. As men, it is important to understand that men and women communicate differently to one another. When we as men most times talk with our wives we want to get straight to the point and we want to say what needs to be said. If our wife as us how our day was our answer will be sum up in three words which is it was fine. However, when our wives speak to us because women are relational creatures, they talk to us more in details before they make their final point. If you ask her what is for dinner, her response will be that she went to the grocery store, she met her old friend in the supermarket aisle and they talked about all their old friends that they grew up with them. She will then tell what was on sale at the store and also how the prices on chicken have gone up but she still purchases some boneless chicken. She goes on for a few more moments about how bad traffic was coming home and her talking with her mother for an hour. You asked your wife what is for dinner a second time and she finally tells you that you and the family together will be having barbecue boneless chicken. You say yourself it took all of those unnecessary details just for you to find out what is for dinner and instead of you learning to talk with your wife, you find yourself being frustrated talking at her
As men, we have to understand that God wired our wives that way and their method of communication is helpful to us to be able to open up and communicate the way we should to them. When we talk with our wives, we make them feel that they are important us just like when we first met them and we wanted to know their name and we wanted to have their number to call them. When we talk with our wives, we make them feel that being in their presence matters the world to us because their presence is God’s favor manifested in our lives. The word of God says in Proverbs 18:21-22 that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord”. The writer of the book of Proverbs points out to men that having a wife in your life is the evidence of God favor being with you. However, at the same time how we communicate with them has a direct result of what type of fruit will be in our marriage. If we are talking at our wives we can make them feel that what they are saying to us is helpful but they are nagging us and we don’t want to hear them. If we are talking are our wives we can make them feel that we don’t want them around because we forget as men that “death and life are in the power of our tongues”.
How to live with your wife
The final reason why you must guard your time of communication with your wife is that we as husbands must live with our wives in an understanding way. Though it is true men and women communication methods are different, a husband and a wife must still learn to communicate the same language of love. In 1 Peter 3:7, the word of God that we as “husbands must live with our wives in an understanding way”. To live with your wife in an understanding way means learning to sacrifice in trying to prove who is wrong but that communication is a priority in your marriage. To live with your wife in an understanding way also means learning to be patient with one another and realize that you both must be open to growth and be willing to change. To live with your wife in an understanding way means there will be times when you must compromise to express how you feel about what is bothering you both versus one of you choosing to stay mad and never speaking about the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room.
Finally, to live with your wife in an understanding way means that the commandment of loving your wife was given to you by the Lord. In Ephesians 5:25, the word of God says “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it”. Your love for your wife my brother should never be defined by just your feeling that you have for her alone. Our feeling can be like the weather, one day they are pleasant tomorrow we can be cold toward others. Your love for your wife should not be defined by just the words that you say to her. However, the love we are commanded to love our wives will be demonstrated each day as we endure hardship together with our wives and letting nothing pull us apart. Our love for our wives is best communicated by us being there for them, believing in their dreams and just spending time talking just like the first time all over again.